Monthly Archives: July 2008

Poem-Off: And the winner is…

We have a winner of the first Poem-Off. And that winner is… (trumpet music) David Bryant! Of course, he wrote the epic poem about the bear. Great job! For your efforts, David, you get this picture of a crown (the British monarchy is borrowing it from you for a while) and a batch of brownies.

I will say that he put a lot of effort in this. The story cracks me up, and I’m glad he wrote it. So, if you ever have drunk bear problems, you know now to call on Hasselhoff. Hmmm…maybe he should be the emcee of our next challenge…

Do you want to know who wrote each one? Here’s the list:
Poem 1: Travis W. Inman
Poem 2: Alison
Poem 3: Travis W. Inman
Poem 4: Alison
Poem 5: David Bryant

And I would like to again say thanks to Travis for throwing the gauntlet. I think he knew exactly what he was doing and knew we’d all have fun with it. I really enjoyed his poems, too.

Thanks to you who voted…hope you had a good time.

Iron Poet: Battle Circus

Let the Poem-Off begin!

Listed below you’ll find the entries for the theme, “Circus Surprise.” The theme could be interpreted in any way by the writers.
Some silliness, some seriousness. All are anonymous until the winner is revealed. We did have a couple of cases of more than one entry per person. I made an executive decision to include each entry. Take a gander, then vote using the poll in the left margin. Voting is open until Friday morning. Later that day we’ll crown a new Iron Poet, winner of the Poem Off.

Thank you to each person who submitted an entry. This has been a lot of fun. Who knows? If you all like it, too, maybe we’ll do it again sometime.

Poem 1

To our dismay

The tightrope gave

And sent its bearer plunging

He fell so long

And fell headlong

His awkward legs were fumbling

And as he fell

He did not yell

He met his fate with laughter

For in the net

A second chance

Was granted—which he’ll flaunter.

Poem 2

young boy

smile as bright as a circus spotlight

lighting, brightening the dimmest rooms

…star of the show

star of the show

wows the crowd…master showman, master of ceremonies–

his song not perfect, yet he remained

star of the show

star of the show

exited on time—His time–but left the crowd wanting more

his light was dimmed too soon for the

star of the show

young boy’s young cousin

watches the crowd, hears the master of this odd ceremony

wonders why the smiles have dimmed, for she knows he’s now with the

Star of the show

Poem 3

A magician fluffed his robe and stepped into the ring

He wanted to see if an elephant could sing

And not just sing, but sing as a bird

And if it could, he’d want it heard.

He flicked his wand and produced a smoke

Once inhaled the elephant choked

But when he choked, he began to howl

And not as a monkey, but as an owl

The magician was troubled and flicked again

This time the creature clucked like a hen.

Not only cluck, but it scratched and pecked

And rooted around for a juicy insect

He rolled up his sleeves and tried anew

This time he shot a jet of blue

When it struck, the elephant growled

And as a lion began to prowl

Despite the scowls from the crowd

He lifted his wand and produced a frown

But once he pointed and produced a light

The elephant took off in a terrible fright.

For it had become the only elephant

That could cluck like a hen,

Howl as an owl,

Prowl as a lion,

Sing like a bird

But the magician wanted to logic defy

Instead he produced a circus surprise.

Poem 4

The circus stopped in the next town

Out went the horses, tightropes, clowns

The people came (and none was fickle)

To see the show and crunch on pickles

The red-striped tent was hot and loud

Applause erupted through the crowd

For elephants, tigers, and trapeze

Up so high none dared to sneeze

Yet when a man roared out a tune

Gasps sucked air from the whole room

For the “opera” singer there this time

Was none other than the mime

Poem 5

The circus was in town,
And we couldn’t wait to go,
We packed up all the family,
And we headed to the show.
But our night was very different,
It turned out really queer,
And all because of that one bear
Who drank a can of beer.

The lion tamer was nervous,
His lion had been rough,
So he opened up a frosty beer
And started to engulf.
Nobody should ever drink,
(That’s something we all know),
He wandered off without his beer
Distracted by his phone.

This bear had a tricky act,
Where he balanced on a ball,
So the bear and his male trainer,
Headed out for the great hall.
The trainer stopped to talk to Sue,
The cute young acrobat,
He didn’t see the beer can,
That the bear was staring at.

The bear reached out his giant paws
And grabbed it in one swipe,
And just that fast, the beer was gone,
Down his big windpipe.
The rest is really frightening,
But you really need to hear,
And all because of that one bear
Who drank a can of beer.

The trainer did not notice,
The bear was acting strange;
He gaze was still on Sue,
Who was still in visual range.
The bear began to do his act;
But some began to jeer,
And all because of that one bear
Who drank a can of beer.

The bear was really tipsy,
He couldn’t stay upright
He slipped right off his little ball,
fell like a concrete kite.
Then things went really crazy,
And lots of things were weird,
And all because of that one bear
Who drank a can of beer.

The bear liked cotton candy,
And he charged the little cart
He stuck his head down in the treat
Which probably wasn’t smart.
His face was blue and sticky,
And the people ran in fear,
And all because of that one bear
Who drank a can of beer.

Now the bear with covered eyes,
Ran around with grea

t abandon,
Not seeing where he’s going,
He got stuck inside the cannon.
We all know what cannons do,
No need to say it here,
And all because of that one bear
Who drank a can of beer.

The cannon fired loudly,
And through the air he flew,
Like any other bear who flies,
A great big howl he blew.
Inside the tent was chaos,
So loud no one could hear,
And all because of that one bear
Who drank a can of beer.

He landed on the tightrope,
A bear who’s scared of heights,
He wrapped his legs around the rope,
It was really quite a sight.
The crowd was really worried,
They really were sincere,
And all because of that one bear
Who drank a can of beer.

The bear’s paws slipped and down he fell,
He was growling all the way.
Bouncing off the safety net,
That net had saved the day.
And once they saw his safe descent,
The crowd with one voice cheered,
And all because of that one bear
Who drank a can of beer.

About the bear, the clowns knew not,
And in the ring they flew,
And one clown started cussing;
when he stepped in the bear poo.
Children all around the ring,
Quickly shut their ears,
And all because of that one bear
Who drank a can of beer.

The ringmaster fainted,
And The trainer, he ran off.
“I’ll go and stop that crazy bear!”
yelled David Hasselhoff.
He bravely strode into the ring,
While people gasped in fear,
And all because of that one bear
Who drank a can of beer.

David walked up to the bear,
And bonked him on the head,
The bear just fell and landed hard,
He really did look dead.
The circus was so grateful
On That long and fateful night,
Hasselhoff got lifetime passes,
Since he helped them in their plight.

The bear was really fine;
He was surprisingly okay,
He lived for many years,
Performing all the way.
But there is much for us to learn
About more than hosselhoff,
We need to see that bears get drunk
And can even catch a cough.

Well, this story has a moral
Which is really quite austere:
don’t ever leave your bear alone,
or else he’ll find your beer.
Better yet, don’t ever drink;
you’ll never have to hear,
“Hey, you act just like that bear
Who drank a can of beer.”

Random thoughts

I’d like your opinion…

Please put on your imagination caps and tell me what you think. How do you imagine that someone speaking “Texan” would say, “Let’s hurry up” during a crisis? As in,
“Let’s hurry to the sale at the mall”, or
“Let’s hurry to the burrito shack.” Just wondering.

Now, don’t tell me that you don’t go about your day wondering about this.

The winner gets a brand new, imaginary imagination cap.

First (Annual?) Poem-Off

Okay, people…quiet down! Let’s have some order here.

Great! Now, let’s get down to business. To bring everyone up to speed, this week I’ve had a poll on the blog listing hypothetical titles. I said I’d write something about the winning title. Lo and behold, late yesterday I was challenged to a poetry throwdown by Travis W. Inman. This challenge has grown, and now anyone who wants to compete can toss your hat in the ring. What’s at stake? Bragging rights…and a batch of homemade brownies. If the winner is out of town, I’ll ship them to that person.

Here are the rules:
– One entry per person
– No limit on size, scope, or form (doesn’t have to rhyme), as long as it’s a poem
– Title is “Circus Surprise”
– Entries due by midnight Tuesday, July 22nd
– Entries will be posted on Wednesday, voting will be by a poll I’ll create…honor system that you vote only once. You can vote for yourself.
– Entries will be posted with no names attached, just labeled something like Poem A, etc.

So get to it and good luck!

P.S. For those of us whose vibrant night life on Fridays is filled with TV, Monk and Psych start again tonight (yay!), and Stargate Atlantis started last Friday.