Five Valentine’s Day Gifts Sure to be, um, Remembered
Still searching for the perfect Valentine’s Day gifts for your loved ones? Is your hunt stymied by stores brimming with generic gifts? Your journey is over, my friend. On a recent flight I found a blessing of shopping genius in the form of the catalog waiting in my seat pocket. Oh yes, ladies and gentlemen, these are all very much real. Serious kudos to the creative minds that brought these into existence. I culled only the best, the most unique, for you, my dear readers.
Behold (picture my grand, sweeping gesture): five gifts that will not soon be forgotten:
1. Punjabi Prison Match Ring – Teaches the finer points of conflict resolution to those sweet tots looking for a rumble.
Home & Garden
2. “The Zombie of Montclaire Moors” Statue – Nothing reminds your loved one of the joy of living like sipping a beverage on the back porch and seeing a dead person climbing up from the petunias.
3. “Bigfoot, the Garden Yeti” Statue – Need cuter, furrier creatures in your yard? Look no further. Comes with complimentary paparazzi visits.
4. Alien Gnome Bandits Garden Accent – When your standard garden gnome doesn’t cut it anymore, these buggy creatures will gently haul him off to a “large farm, where he has lots of room to run and play.”
5. Underwater Cellular Phone System – We’ve all been there: your loved one is into his/her daily scuba excursion and wouldn’t you know it? They forgot to return that call. Or maybe they want to have that pizza delivered hot and fresh when they get to shore. Here’s the answer. Only caution them to order the pizza clearly, not “bwuppuuwroni wi swwausage.”
So there you have it. Aren’t you relieved to have this burden off your shoulders? You’re welcome.